Alright, don't like don't read

[flyingskull]

I know every sporker in every comm in every blog server in the netverse keeps on harping how it's a lame excuse, but this is MY playground and I can piss in it as much as I like so, if you don't want DH spoilers...



DADDY DEAREST

An epistulary dramalet.


epistle, n

1. A communication made to an absent person in writing; a letter. Chiefly (from its use in translations from L. and Gr.) applied to letters written in ancient times, esp. to those which rank as literary productions, or (after the analogy of 2) to those of a public character, or addressed to a body of persons. In application to ordinary (modern) letters now used only rhetorically or with playful or sarcastic implication. (O.E.D.)

Father,

take me out of this horrible place! I was hexed with what the uncouth Potter boy with the double-barrelled improbable name called the Bat Bogey hex. Apparently his mother taught him.

It's the most disgustingly vomit-worthy thing I have ever had the misfortune to see, let alone being hit with.

The reason? I was just passing by him in the hall. He informed me that I had no right to pass him by in the hall as I am a filthy Slytherin. Which is why he hexed me. Out of the blue. I hadn't even seen him there.

No-one did or said anything. He's the Chosen One's child and has a License to Hex. I will NOT stay in this place a moment longer. Take me out and tutor me privately or suffer the consequences of my running away, a lone, defenceless boy forced to merlin-knows-what to survive.

Love,

Scorpius.

*

Scorpius,

you are being melodramatic. Melodramatic is not elegant, or witty, or anything but pathetic.

That said, I know exactly how you feel. Pack your things and please forgive me for sending you to that Pit of Gryffindor Entitlement. I'll be there to take you home tomorrow at nine ack emma.

You shall have tutors galore and all the respect you've a right to.

With all my love,

Draco Malfoy

Finis






I really felt like writing this. So sue me. :P :P :P

Comments

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

If Voldie could take power in a week, why the FUCK did the readers have to wade through two eejit books to see him do it?

Excellent question. It's all very, very stupid. But at least in this book, Voldie is damn well doing something and not just hiding from an idiot in a bowler hat. =]

This book seems to be out of sync with the others in all sorts of ways. All the others were like "teen drama teen drama teen drama oh by the way the forces of darkness are afoot teen drama teen drama." This one sounds more like genuine high fantasy. Which is good... sort of... but, uhm, are stories supposed to change genres in the very last book? I'm sure that's not on. ^_^;

people at F_W wanting desperately for there to be a wank somewhere that they's bitching even about people quite calmy saying this book is drivel and stinks by means of literary analysis

You know, I sometimes get the impression that the fine people at F_W defines "wanking" as "expressing any sort of emotion about anything."

HUGZ. See you tomorrow.

(*HUGS*) :)

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

This one sounds more like genuine high fantasy

If by that you mean 98768509483 pages of walking, camping and exposition, yes. Plus there's a Messiah! HALLELUJA! and oooooodles of Harry-wangst that the witty comments I linked you to rather avoided.

I'm also not quite sure that an extended, interminable series of single-entendre with wands and the DOOMCOCK qualifies as high fantasy, but yes, the eejit clearly tried for a lofty tone to close - HALLELUJA!!!!eleventy - this series.

The fine people at F_W are not who they were when there was real wank occurring all over the place. There's a lot of new blood who plays the 'elite clique' card and are mostly left-overs from GAFF who think saying an author can't write is BLASPHEMY, I TELL YOU, BLASPHEMY! But, sometimes it's fairly amusing to see some of them flail exactly like the worst fangurls. F-W is now a fandom in itself. For justice, equity and fairness I must also say there're several delightfully intelligent people there who are always a pleasure to read.

I've slept all day and feel regenerated. :-D

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

If by that you mean 98768509483 pages of walking, camping and exposition, yes.

Well, I was thinking more "actually taking the whole Fighting Evil situation seriously instead of dealing with it in between complaining about classes and obsessing about girls," but... ^_^;;

Plus there's a Messiah!

Urgh, yes... you know, I can't win here, I got annoyed with Dumbledore being perfect and in this book, it turns out that he's not perfect because Harry is much better than him - and that annoys me even more. ^_^;

By the way, is it just me, or do heroes who we are told by the narrator and other characters are "selfless" and capable of "unconditional love" have a strong tendency towards being utterly selfish and brimming with hatred?

I'm also not quite sure that an extended, interminable series of single-entendre with wands and the DOOMCOCK qualifies as high fantasy

Well, high fantasy is not necessarily good... ;)

Wait. Wands and the what? ^_^;;;;

There's a lot of new blood who plays the 'elite clique' card and are mostly left-overs from GAFF who think saying an author can't write is BLASPHEMY, I TELL YOU, BLASPHEMY!

Because heaven knows we can't have readers actually having opinions. How would that look? =]

I've slept all day and feel regenerated. :-D

... being both a nerd and on a Doctor Who craze currently, I now picture you (or my mental image of you) saying "But if the Doctor can be young and strong again... surely so can Flyingskull?" and then erupting into brilliant light. =]

I've been sleeping the past two days away too. I had a mild cold or something, and that sort of thing is best combated by proactive snoozing. =]

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

By the way, is it just me, or do heroes who we are told by the narrator and other characters are "selfless" and capable of "unconditional love" have a strong tendency towards being utterly selfish and brimming with hatred?

It ain't you, luv. It's a GIVEN in high fantasy. Remember SAINTLY heroes betting on how many orcs they could kill in LOTR? SAINTLY=SOCIOPATH. *EG*

Wands and the DOOMCOCK aka the Elder Wand That Cannot Be Broken Or Defeated and Allows You To Master Death which is... wait for it... DUN DUN DUN... wait for it... DRACO'S SODDING WAND! Which feels friendly and all nice in Harry "The Grabber of Other People's Wands" hand! It's Official! D/H (It's in the title! Harry Potter and the DH!)

There's also Hermione telling Ron that it's not how big a wand is, it's how one uses it, I Kid You Not. Single-entendre is not the name!

Can you tell how amused I am by this trainwreck?

Snooze against colds, luv! I have tapes of TEH DOCTOR in the 60s! Peter Cushing! DALEKS! If there aren't Daleks, it ain't Doctor Who. HMPH.

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, there are plenty of Daleks in the new series. And they are scary as hell.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

YAY! DALEKS! I utterly adore DALEKS!

I think it was their voice. Nothing funnier ever enetered my childhood and I fell in love. What can I say? I'm unnatural.

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

9 goes pretty batshit on a Dalek he finds in some "American" guy's subterranian alien museum; and that's some pretty fine Crazy right there. Wait till you hear about the Time War, too; it's... well, bad might be an understatement.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Alright, alright, you've sold me. *sigh*

*goes and buys Doctor Who DVDs*

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

I have to appreciate the way they first revealed that Dalek. New viewers such as myself might not know a Dalek when they see one, but even after just five episodes, we know that something that makes the Doctor panic must be in a class of its own as far as scariness goes. =]

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

EX-TER-MI-NATE!

Mwahahahahah! I love and adore the daleks. I wanna be a Dalek!

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

DOC-TOR? THE DOC-TOR?

I just can't help myself. ;)

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGH! EX-TER-MI-NATE! DOC-TOR! All that utterly adorable psychobots need in life when their oil don't flow is a good AAA man."


Heh...

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

DRACO'S SODDING WAND!

Ye gods. Either no one has ever explained to JKR what a wand actually represents (though honestly, it's not like it's so hard to figure out...) or else she's now putting very inappropriate and quite childish jokes into a book for minors.

Can you tell how amused I am by this trainwreck?

I have to admit to a certain amount of morbid amusement myself... 0_0

I have tapes of TEH DOCTOR in the 60s! Peter Cushing!

Peter Cushing? Who was that? He's not on my list of people who's played the Doctor. ^_^;

I've watched a few of the older episodes myself. They're very good - better than the new series, in some ways. :) I adored Genesis of the Daleks - I can't believe how scary it was, with such simple special effects. That Davros guy... what the hell is wrong with him? ^_^;;;;

If there aren't Daleks, it ain't Doctor Who.

Agreed, though as ingriam has already pointed out, Daleks are plentiful also in the new series. =]

I have to admit that I like those things way too much. I grin like a loony every time they howl "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" in those whiny little voices of theirs. Heaven forgive me, they're actually sort of cute. ^_^;;;

I'm also learning to like the Master, though I understand that his current incarnation is kind of unlike his previous ones. He just seems to have so much fun being an evil genius and messing with everyone in sight. =]

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Oh she knows, she knows! The real - though hidden - title of the book is: "Harry Potter and the Neverending Innuendo".

I think it was Peter Cushing and it was two films, not TV show episodes. I have no idea, really, I just have mum's tapes. It was the end of the fifties/beginning of the sisxties for fucksake! They are BETA tapes! The machine still works, though, but I'd have to see them to be sure.

Daleks were NOT cute, they were too adorable for words! *G* I rly rly wanted to be a Dalek when I was four. Call me Jane 'Exterminate' Austen.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

I did find a reference to Peter Cushing yesterday. Apparently they were "non-canon" movies, so he isn't officially one of the ten doctors, hence not appearing on my list. =]

Hee hee! It does sound kind of cool to be a Dalek (being almost unstoppable and undestructable sounds neat, for instance... :D ). Might be a bit boring to be unable to feel anything but hate, though. But hey, wasn't there some kind of alternative-dimension nice Daleks? =]

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Non cnon movies. I LIKE that. Death to canon! EXTERMINATE CANON! Heehee...

But if a Dalek HATES hate, will it love? :P

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Hehehe, I'm not that vocal against canon, but I can live without it. At least one friend who I roleplay with has repeatedly rebuked me for my "anything I say only goes until I manage to come up with something cooler, and then it will be retconned with extreme prejudice" approach to GameMastering... =]

But if a Dalek HATES hate, will it love? :P

Now there's an interesting question. I'm not sure about love, but I'm somewhat picturing an angsty teen Dalek...

TEEN DALEK: "I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE EVERYTHING!"

ADULT DALEK: "WHY ARE YOU NOT WORKING TOWARDS THE DESTRUCTION OF ALL NON-DALEK LIFE? YOU MUST WORK!"

TEEN DALEK: "I DID NOT ASK TO BE MANUFACTURED!"

ADULT DALEK: "WORK!"

TEEN DALEK: "LIFE IS CRUEL AND MEANINGLESS!"

ADULT DALEK: "WORK, I SAY, WORK!"

TEEN DALEK: "NOBODY LOVES ME!"

ADULT DALEK: "WORK, OR YOU WILL BE EX-TER-MIN-ATED!"

TEEN DALEK: "WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!"

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Yup and it ends like this:

ADULT DALEK: "I UNDERSTAND YOU ONLY TOO WELL."

TEEN DALEK: "I HATE YOU! DIEDIEDIE! EXTERMINATE ADULT DALEKS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

:-D