Alright, don't like don't read

[flyingskull]

I know every sporker in every comm in every blog server in the netverse keeps on harping how it's a lame excuse, but this is MY playground and I can piss in it as much as I like so, if you don't want DH spoilers...



DADDY DEAREST

An epistulary dramalet.


epistle, n

1. A communication made to an absent person in writing; a letter. Chiefly (from its use in translations from L. and Gr.) applied to letters written in ancient times, esp. to those which rank as literary productions, or (after the analogy of 2) to those of a public character, or addressed to a body of persons. In application to ordinary (modern) letters now used only rhetorically or with playful or sarcastic implication. (O.E.D.)

Father,

take me out of this horrible place! I was hexed with what the uncouth Potter boy with the double-barrelled improbable name called the Bat Bogey hex. Apparently his mother taught him.

It's the most disgustingly vomit-worthy thing I have ever had the misfortune to see, let alone being hit with.

The reason? I was just passing by him in the hall. He informed me that I had no right to pass him by in the hall as I am a filthy Slytherin. Which is why he hexed me. Out of the blue. I hadn't even seen him there.

No-one did or said anything. He's the Chosen One's child and has a License to Hex. I will NOT stay in this place a moment longer. Take me out and tutor me privately or suffer the consequences of my running away, a lone, defenceless boy forced to merlin-knows-what to survive.

Love,

Scorpius.

*

Scorpius,

you are being melodramatic. Melodramatic is not elegant, or witty, or anything but pathetic.

That said, I know exactly how you feel. Pack your things and please forgive me for sending you to that Pit of Gryffindor Entitlement. I'll be there to take you home tomorrow at nine ack emma.

You shall have tutors galore and all the respect you've a right to.

With all my love,

Draco Malfoy

Finis






I really felt like writing this. So sue me. :P :P :P

Comments

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

The Queen of Fascist Warriors Everywhere was doubled up in laughter so hard she couldn't even count the money she was making with this egregious tripe.

Don't be sedated, enjoy POtterdammerung with me. HUGZ

S/AS FOREVAH!!11!!!ELEVENTYONE!

You know the funniest thing is that I could see JKR was trying so fucking hard to me dislike OOOOH!COWARD!Draco and the more she strived for it, the more I like Draco. Only decent person in the Wizarding World! I think this has finally given me the impulse to finish the unpublished Draco meets Granny parody I was writing. She would approve of his choices in DH. :-D

Errata Corrige

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Urgle, typing too fast. lessee...

"JKR was trying so fucking hard to me dislike" = "JKR was trying so fucking hard to MAKE me dislike"

"She would approve" = She is, of course Granny.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Ooooh... please do finish it. I want to see this. :D

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Are you sure, luv? It's triple with Sandman, I mean it's tripe with Sandman and Discoworld, the kind of post-HBP thing where Draco. running away meets a space-time anomaly in the FF and ends up agaisnt Granny's cottage and dreams the Endless, mostly Death... :-D

And I can't write that well.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

... okay, now I want to read it out of morbid curiosity. 0_0

And your writing is more than adequate. :)

Actually, speaking of writing, will I ever see any further Beta comments? ;)

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Yes, both you and ingriam, but you'll have to wait for the Potterdammerung to end. I'm awfully amused by the batshit insane fans.

If you want to avoid reading that trainwreck of a book, here (http://mightygodking.livejournal.com/345287.html#cutid1) is a spiffily witty commentary.

Go and read it, it's really very good.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

(*reads summary*) Bleeeeehhhh... it sounds really horrible. Mind you, it also sounds like the villains are being a lot smarter than usual in this one, which might redeem it a bit. We'll see if I can be bothered to read it. Anyway, thanks for the link. :)

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

I assure you the summary is much better than the actual book. (I read the leaked thing, of course, not paying for crap when I can buy Martin and a couple of yummy lit crit things. Also splurged like mad for the new dition of bound Sandman with all the digital recoloring. Awesome binding and colours SO PRETTEH! Guh...)

If Voldie could take power in a week, why the FUCK did the readers have to wade through two eejit books to see him do it? I don't think they're being much smarter than the usual, just a tad more active. :-D

Link was a pleasure. Am enjoying people ripping hair off right, left and centre; people at F_W wanting desperately for there to be a wank somewhere that they's bitching even about people quite calmy saying this book is drivel and stinks by means of literary analysis; people yelling at JKR "You LIED TO US! YOU HATE US! WE HATE YOU!" and drummming heels on floor in funny tantrums etc...

But now I think I'll go to bed. It's getting late and I'm tired. HUGZ. See you tomorrow.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

If Voldie could take power in a week, why the FUCK did the readers have to wade through two eejit books to see him do it?

Excellent question. It's all very, very stupid. But at least in this book, Voldie is damn well doing something and not just hiding from an idiot in a bowler hat. =]

This book seems to be out of sync with the others in all sorts of ways. All the others were like "teen drama teen drama teen drama oh by the way the forces of darkness are afoot teen drama teen drama." This one sounds more like genuine high fantasy. Which is good... sort of... but, uhm, are stories supposed to change genres in the very last book? I'm sure that's not on. ^_^;

people at F_W wanting desperately for there to be a wank somewhere that they's bitching even about people quite calmy saying this book is drivel and stinks by means of literary analysis

You know, I sometimes get the impression that the fine people at F_W defines "wanking" as "expressing any sort of emotion about anything."

HUGZ. See you tomorrow.

(*HUGS*) :)

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

This one sounds more like genuine high fantasy

If by that you mean 98768509483 pages of walking, camping and exposition, yes. Plus there's a Messiah! HALLELUJA! and oooooodles of Harry-wangst that the witty comments I linked you to rather avoided.

I'm also not quite sure that an extended, interminable series of single-entendre with wands and the DOOMCOCK qualifies as high fantasy, but yes, the eejit clearly tried for a lofty tone to close - HALLELUJA!!!!eleventy - this series.

The fine people at F_W are not who they were when there was real wank occurring all over the place. There's a lot of new blood who plays the 'elite clique' card and are mostly left-overs from GAFF who think saying an author can't write is BLASPHEMY, I TELL YOU, BLASPHEMY! But, sometimes it's fairly amusing to see some of them flail exactly like the worst fangurls. F-W is now a fandom in itself. For justice, equity and fairness I must also say there're several delightfully intelligent people there who are always a pleasure to read.

I've slept all day and feel regenerated. :-D

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

If by that you mean 98768509483 pages of walking, camping and exposition, yes.

Well, I was thinking more "actually taking the whole Fighting Evil situation seriously instead of dealing with it in between complaining about classes and obsessing about girls," but... ^_^;;

Plus there's a Messiah!

Urgh, yes... you know, I can't win here, I got annoyed with Dumbledore being perfect and in this book, it turns out that he's not perfect because Harry is much better than him - and that annoys me even more. ^_^;

By the way, is it just me, or do heroes who we are told by the narrator and other characters are "selfless" and capable of "unconditional love" have a strong tendency towards being utterly selfish and brimming with hatred?

I'm also not quite sure that an extended, interminable series of single-entendre with wands and the DOOMCOCK qualifies as high fantasy

Well, high fantasy is not necessarily good... ;)

Wait. Wands and the what? ^_^;;;;

There's a lot of new blood who plays the 'elite clique' card and are mostly left-overs from GAFF who think saying an author can't write is BLASPHEMY, I TELL YOU, BLASPHEMY!

Because heaven knows we can't have readers actually having opinions. How would that look? =]

I've slept all day and feel regenerated. :-D

... being both a nerd and on a Doctor Who craze currently, I now picture you (or my mental image of you) saying "But if the Doctor can be young and strong again... surely so can Flyingskull?" and then erupting into brilliant light. =]

I've been sleeping the past two days away too. I had a mild cold or something, and that sort of thing is best combated by proactive snoozing. =]

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

By the way, is it just me, or do heroes who we are told by the narrator and other characters are "selfless" and capable of "unconditional love" have a strong tendency towards being utterly selfish and brimming with hatred?

It ain't you, luv. It's a GIVEN in high fantasy. Remember SAINTLY heroes betting on how many orcs they could kill in LOTR? SAINTLY=SOCIOPATH. *EG*

Wands and the DOOMCOCK aka the Elder Wand That Cannot Be Broken Or Defeated and Allows You To Master Death which is... wait for it... DUN DUN DUN... wait for it... DRACO'S SODDING WAND! Which feels friendly and all nice in Harry "The Grabber of Other People's Wands" hand! It's Official! D/H (It's in the title! Harry Potter and the DH!)

There's also Hermione telling Ron that it's not how big a wand is, it's how one uses it, I Kid You Not. Single-entendre is not the name!

Can you tell how amused I am by this trainwreck?

Snooze against colds, luv! I have tapes of TEH DOCTOR in the 60s! Peter Cushing! DALEKS! If there aren't Daleks, it ain't Doctor Who. HMPH.

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, there are plenty of Daleks in the new series. And they are scary as hell.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

YAY! DALEKS! I utterly adore DALEKS!

I think it was their voice. Nothing funnier ever enetered my childhood and I fell in love. What can I say? I'm unnatural.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

DRACO'S SODDING WAND!

Ye gods. Either no one has ever explained to JKR what a wand actually represents (though honestly, it's not like it's so hard to figure out...) or else she's now putting very inappropriate and quite childish jokes into a book for minors.

Can you tell how amused I am by this trainwreck?

I have to admit to a certain amount of morbid amusement myself... 0_0

I have tapes of TEH DOCTOR in the 60s! Peter Cushing!

Peter Cushing? Who was that? He's not on my list of people who's played the Doctor. ^_^;

I've watched a few of the older episodes myself. They're very good - better than the new series, in some ways. :) I adored Genesis of the Daleks - I can't believe how scary it was, with such simple special effects. That Davros guy... what the hell is wrong with him? ^_^;;;;

If there aren't Daleks, it ain't Doctor Who.

Agreed, though as ingriam has already pointed out, Daleks are plentiful also in the new series. =]

I have to admit that I like those things way too much. I grin like a loony every time they howl "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" in those whiny little voices of theirs. Heaven forgive me, they're actually sort of cute. ^_^;;;

I'm also learning to like the Master, though I understand that his current incarnation is kind of unlike his previous ones. He just seems to have so much fun being an evil genius and messing with everyone in sight. =]

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Oh she knows, she knows! The real - though hidden - title of the book is: "Harry Potter and the Neverending Innuendo".

I think it was Peter Cushing and it was two films, not TV show episodes. I have no idea, really, I just have mum's tapes. It was the end of the fifties/beginning of the sisxties for fucksake! They are BETA tapes! The machine still works, though, but I'd have to see them to be sure.

Daleks were NOT cute, they were too adorable for words! *G* I rly rly wanted to be a Dalek when I was four. Call me Jane 'Exterminate' Austen.

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

Morbid curiosity almost compelled me to buy that stankpile crapenbarfen monkeyturd book. I got the other six second-hand from my older sister; (yay for saving moniez!!) and now I think I'll just have to sell them on EBay.

(Max Factory has this absolutely lovely Imakarum model coming out soon, and I want to buy it. Of course, importing things from Japan - to say nothing of the high-quality models themselves - is kind of expensive.)

Agreed on the whole JKR being a hack; my man Yoshiki Takaya could write - and draw - rings around that bitch. Of course, so could Tom Clancy or Hiromu Arakawa.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Hello, there, luv!

Don't buy the stankpile, you can read it for free on the intrawebz and I don't advise doing that, either. Do buy your Imakarum (I titled my dramalet after him in your honour!), he may be expensive, but, like my Sandman, he'll give you joy.

Anyone can write rings around the hack, luv, which is why the phenomenon fascinates me so much. I mean, do you realise that, apart from the terminally illiterate, there are people who read and appreciate GOOD and WONDERFUL authors and manage to love the turd? My inner anthropologist wants to understand why and that is the only reason I forced myself to read the crapenbarfen (delightful word!).

Sorry about promising and running, but I couldn't resist the 'It's a Fake' no 'It Is The One True Book' debate and the Potterdammerung. Unless it explodes anew tonight - in which case picture me glued to the screen - I'll finish writing your review and I'll post it, it's all notes right now.

Hugz?

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

Much Hugz. ;D

And now I'm not quite sure I want the Potterdammerung to end quite yet... on the one hand I really want to read those verbose reviews of yours - me wantz! me wantz! - but on the other hand I want you to have fun... Hmm...

I guess liking GOOD and WONDERFUL authors is no concrete assurance of having good taste. But, then again, what is eh? ;)

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

I suspect the Rowling-lovers pay lip service to good authors not to appear quite so moronic. One can't possibly enjoy intelligence and wit and that Wasteland of Stupid at the same time.

Also, if they'd really read the good authors, they'd see how much the Queen of Fascism has stolen from the good authors and made crap thereof.

Potterdammerung proper appears to have started. F-W server, though robust, is creaking at the joints and LJ is not that much better. Just like during Strikethrough.

I know it's quite childish of me, but high drama on the INTRATUBES makes me laugh.

HUGGGGZEZZZZZ!

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Anyone can write rings around the hack

Actually... amazingly enough, that's not entirely true. There are published authors worse than JKR. Laurel K Hamilton is worse (at least a little) and Christopher Paolini makes JKR look good by comparison. I mean, there's seriously lower depths to sink to.

Try not to dwell on it. It'll just keep you up at night. ^_^;

Mind you, no one but no one enjoys as much unjustified success as she does. With the possible exception of Dan Brown...

there are people who read and appreciate GOOD and WONDERFUL authors and manage to love the turd

Yes. That disturbs me too. It's one thing that twerps and morons like crap, but otherwise sensible and discerning people? I just cannot understand it, try as I might.

And they tend not to appreciate it when you point it out to them, either. ^_^;

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Nono. You haven't read it. Paolini? Actually less of a shitfest. Hamilton? Her overt PR0N is PWNED by this wandfest. Goodkind? His politics PALE in comparison to this Fascistfest. UGH.

As I said to ingriam, I'm quite sure they who say they like Pterry and go all batshit on Rowling have NOT read Pterry, they just say it not to look like the totally mentally impaired persons they are. Well, with a few exception, like you, Maya and me who read the Turd for the LULZ.

That's why they don't appreciate it when you point it out to them.

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

My sister only liked it for Hermiony - or however her name's spelled - and her relationship with Harry. She pretty much agreed with me that Ron was a stupid asshole who needed to be bitchslapped with a 9-iron.

I don't think she's read either Pterry or DWJ, though.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Where are you? *is SO SO SO curious*

Hermione the Ruthless Ballbreaker is overreated. Harry is a sociopath. I know, I know, You would ADORE that. :P

Your sister is going to have a heart attack with DH if she's really in the Potter fandom, poor lass. How old is she?

Hermione, posh Shakespearian name. She's the one who ruthlessly did a magic memory charm on her parents so they now believe they are Australians with no children. Reminds you of anyone? Remaking personalities and all? :P

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Well, I was in a discussion just the other day where I was forced to concede that Paolini is actually superior to Rowling in some ways. If nothing else, he's consistent - his Gary Stu hero who's going to defeat the evil overlord is ridicolously overpowered and unstoppable, in other words exactly the kind of person you would logically send against evil overlords. Eragon is most certainly not going to vanquish Galbatorix through the power of love - he's going to vanquish Galbatorix through the power of power. Evil little sociopath of a man Eragon might be, but I'd send him against scary, evil people any day - though I would of course hope that he and them would kill each other. =]

Harry, on the other hand, is a stupid little shit who only wins through pure luck, and who then gets told that he's the most wonderful person ever.

... now I kind of want to write a story in which Harry and Eragon battle it out for the honour of being Supreme Overrated Gary Stu, and Eragon chops Harry to pieces.

Anyway, as for Hamilton, I remember another discussion where we eventually established that Rowling is a PG13 version of Hamilton.

But I refuse to yield Goodkind. No one can write worse than Goodkind. Things that live in swamps would not, if you taught them to write, write worse than Goodkind. This must be so. I cannot live in a world where it is actually possible to sink beneath Goodkind! ^_^;;;;

I'm quite sure they who say they like Pterry and go all batshit on Rowling have NOT read Pterry, they just say it not to look like the totally mentally impaired persons they are. Well, with a few exception, like you, Maya and me who read the Turd for the LULZ.

A tempting theory, but I'm afraid I don't buy it. I mean, Maya doesn't read HP just to mock it - she does mock it, and she's perfectly aware of all its flaws, but she still likes it and thinks Rowling is a good author. How? Why? It is beyond my comprehension. But apparently there is something there that makes her forgive all the rest.

She's not the only one, either. The same person who made me read The Handmaid's Tale just yesterday snapped at me for being a snob when it came to Harry Potter. How can you appreciate both of those at once? And while we're on the subject, if being a snob means appreciating good things and despising bad things, just what's so wrong with it?