Alright, don't like don't read

[flyingskull]

I know every sporker in every comm in every blog server in the netverse keeps on harping how it's a lame excuse, but this is MY playground and I can piss in it as much as I like so, if you don't want DH spoilers...



DADDY DEAREST

An epistulary dramalet.


epistle, n

1. A communication made to an absent person in writing; a letter. Chiefly (from its use in translations from L. and Gr.) applied to letters written in ancient times, esp. to those which rank as literary productions, or (after the analogy of 2) to those of a public character, or addressed to a body of persons. In application to ordinary (modern) letters now used only rhetorically or with playful or sarcastic implication. (O.E.D.)

Father,

take me out of this horrible place! I was hexed with what the uncouth Potter boy with the double-barrelled improbable name called the Bat Bogey hex. Apparently his mother taught him.

It's the most disgustingly vomit-worthy thing I have ever had the misfortune to see, let alone being hit with.

The reason? I was just passing by him in the hall. He informed me that I had no right to pass him by in the hall as I am a filthy Slytherin. Which is why he hexed me. Out of the blue. I hadn't even seen him there.

No-one did or said anything. He's the Chosen One's child and has a License to Hex. I will NOT stay in this place a moment longer. Take me out and tutor me privately or suffer the consequences of my running away, a lone, defenceless boy forced to merlin-knows-what to survive.

Love,

Scorpius.

*

Scorpius,

you are being melodramatic. Melodramatic is not elegant, or witty, or anything but pathetic.

That said, I know exactly how you feel. Pack your things and please forgive me for sending you to that Pit of Gryffindor Entitlement. I'll be there to take you home tomorrow at nine ack emma.

You shall have tutors galore and all the respect you've a right to.

With all my love,

Draco Malfoy

Finis






I really felt like writing this. So sue me. :P :P :P

Comments

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Seconded and seconded and SECONDED!

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

WHOOT!

*drools*

Well, what? I'm shallow and proud of it! :-D

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Harry, on the other hand, is a stupid little shit who only wins through pure luck, and who then gets told that he's the most wonderful person ever.

I particularly enjoyed the fact that, thanks to the Doomcock, Voldie was killed by a rebounding AK. Well, that and 9573362527 pags of Harry ranting. I tend to believe he was killed by boredom.

Well, alright Goodkind is TEH PITZ, but at this point I must really insist that you read DH. It's quite possible that TEH PITZ can host more than one hack, y'know? :P

You're right about Maya and others. *SIGH* The only thing I can come out with is that they started reading fantasy with La Rowling and then read other, far better authors. BUT they kept their childish attachment to their first trip in fantasyland. Because if one came at it AFTER having read Pterry, Rankin, DWJ, LeGuinn, Adams and - laugh at will, but I can defend - even Lackey for years how the FUCK could one not see it for what it is?

Huh? Huh?

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Well to get into the comics one has to be A) rather old by now or B) be the offspring of a collector (me, I'm B) because in the 60s and 70s they ROCKED HARDCORE DUDE!

Scorpio Malfoy is a kickass name, but if she believes put a us on it makes it pathetic I have only two words to say to her: Albus Severus. HA!

Potterdammerung never actually was, but I had lots of laughs, managd to get banned from F_W because I kept telling them they were no better than batshit insane fans and can now turn back to intelligent and lovely fanfics and OGs and books with a sense of deep accomplishment. :-D

Am at work now and fearing impeding crisis in Italy (temperature +47 celsius) OHGODDONTMAKEMEGOTHERE! So tonight is Review!Time. Fear me, o long-haired juicy writer! Thy end is near! :P :P

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

GAH, fear of heat is making me type insane

*but if she believes put a us on it makes it pathetic = but, if she believes putting a 'us' at the end of it is enough to make it pathetic,

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

EX-TER-MI-NATE!

Mwahahahahah! I love and adore the daleks. I wanna be a Dalek!

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Oh she knows, she knows! The real - though hidden - title of the book is: "Harry Potter and the Neverending Innuendo".

I think it was Peter Cushing and it was two films, not TV show episodes. I have no idea, really, I just have mum's tapes. It was the end of the fifties/beginning of the sisxties for fucksake! They are BETA tapes! The machine still works, though, but I'd have to see them to be sure.

Daleks were NOT cute, they were too adorable for words! *G* I rly rly wanted to be a Dalek when I was four. Call me Jane 'Exterminate' Austen.

[alex-lebeau.livejournal.com]

(WTF=What The F*ck)

I stopped after the Sun/Son arc and Gambit's own comic. They had the chance to kill my baby off TWICE in two incredibly lovely emotionally charged tragey arcs and they wussed off and for what? To make him the basterd son of Lestat on a bad hair day? To make him a pathetic little minion? UGH! GAH.

NoNO! The worst was in X-Treme. He was on his way, and Rogue acts as if it's an act of cowardice to not fight to live. She PULLS HIM BACK, and gave him no choice in the matter -- which is mentioned once, and never commented on again -- and then says she's in the right, 'cuz damn it, she's Rogue, and she's not a giant hypocrite or anything.

The current Death line? Oh, Christ. He turned into a Drow with bad gas. I guess he was given his old look back just recently when he was with the Marauders, attacking Rogue's X-Men, but Arrggh. So. Stupid.

And yes. I heart good Gambit fic. I also ridiculously heart Gambit fic that isn't Romy (Gambit + Rogue), or Gambit + Wolverine. Actually have a soft spot for mature Jubilee + Gambit, but that's impossible to find.

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

I'm sooo looking forward to that. *licks lips*

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Voldie was killed by a rebounding AK.

(*facepalms*) Again? Damn it, Voldie! Invest in an uzi already!

Well, that and 9573362527 pags of Harry ranting. I tend to believe he was killed by boredom.

Oh dear. Maybe it really is comparable to Goodkind, then. Richard tends to rant his enemies to death, too. ^_^;

Actually, I have a theory. It doesn't explain why people like Rowling, but it does explain why you and I don't. You said that you get an impression of an author while you read, yes? I do too - and as far as I've been able to tell, it's usually an accurate impression. When Orson Scott Card started ranting about how gays are evil and how we should nuke all Muslim countries back to the Stone Age, I was amused at how shocked people were. I mean, how can you read an OSC book and not realise that he's a bigoted Christian fundamentalist asshole? Every word he says so clearly comes from a bigoted Christian fundamentalist asshole perspective!

But apparently, most people don't get an impression of the author. They... how do I put this? They imagine the story taking place in the real world, when in fact it takes place in the storyteller's mind. So when certain things and indeed certain ideas seem completely missing, they assume it's because it's not relevant to the story and that's all there is too it. But a lot of the time, if an idea doesn't up it's because it's an idea that the author is emotionally incapable of understanding. The best of authors write stories where every human idea is at least implied, not because the author intentionally puts it in there but because "nothing human is alien to her," and so those ideas are part of the way she sees the world.

What I'm getting at, in my usual long-winded fashion, is that most people open a HP book and see a silly little story about wizards. You and me open a HP book and stare Rowling straight in the face - and Rowling is a deeply unpleasant person. How can we not loathe her books, when we hear not just what she says, but what she means?

What do you think of that theory? :)

laugh at will, but I can defend - even Lackey

Oh, I'm okay with Lackey. She's kind of heavyhanded and perhaps a little too trapped by convention (if she wants to write a story that is more about life during wartime than about the war itself, why does she have to make the heroes defeat the tyrant in the last twenty pages of the book? That just defeats the whole purpose!), but she does have a pretty good idea about what human beings act like.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

I did find a reference to Peter Cushing yesterday. Apparently they were "non-canon" movies, so he isn't officially one of the ten doctors, hence not appearing on my list. =]

Hee hee! It does sound kind of cool to be a Dalek (being almost unstoppable and undestructable sounds neat, for instance... :D ). Might be a bit boring to be unable to feel anything but hate, though. But hey, wasn't there some kind of alternative-dimension nice Daleks? =]

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Non cnon movies. I LIKE that. Death to canon! EXTERMINATE CANON! Heehee...

But if a Dalek HATES hate, will it love? :P

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

What do you think of that theory? :)

That you nailed it on the head. I don't know about mostlive in the story. I think this could also explains the really wide difference in attitude towards fandom. The Read-the-author kind of people tend not to be rabid fans, or even nnot to be anything mre than very tepid fans; the Live-in-the-story kind of people tend more to be quite involved fans up to rabid fans.

I think I'll have to think a bit about this. Thanks!

Oh, poor Merceds has lots of defects, but she's readable and never made me foam at the mouth.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

That's the other incredibly wonderful tragedy arc Marvel ruined that I was talking about and you're right, that was the WORST thing ever. Also Rogue was never my cup of tea, but in that story arc she made me want to puke all the time. Dammit, Remy should have died when he brought the whole shebang down after having patiently charged the pebble under extreme duress. That's what i all heroic, not Rogue's drama queen entrance and "I'll die with you! No! I will drag you back from well earned peace and quiet because I have a GIANT guilt complex about having doe my level best to kill you!" GAH.

Well, this friend of mine was one of a couple of gays and they tended to write Remy/Logan. But I have two that are G and Gmabit-centric, if you're interested.

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

I like that theory, and I may have to use it on people who demand to know why I can't take either Rowling or Tolkien seriously as a writer. Well, Tolkien was also BORING, so for him there's that angle. Sometimes I do fall into a story a bit, but never so far that I can't call the writer on being a complete idiot.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Hehehe, I'm not that vocal against canon, but I can live without it. At least one friend who I roleplay with has repeatedly rebuked me for my "anything I say only goes until I manage to come up with something cooler, and then it will be retconned with extreme prejudice" approach to GameMastering... =]

But if a Dalek HATES hate, will it love? :P

Now there's an interesting question. I'm not sure about love, but I'm somewhat picturing an angsty teen Dalek...

TEEN DALEK: "I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE EVERYTHING!"

ADULT DALEK: "WHY ARE YOU NOT WORKING TOWARDS THE DESTRUCTION OF ALL NON-DALEK LIFE? YOU MUST WORK!"

TEEN DALEK: "I DID NOT ASK TO BE MANUFACTURED!"

ADULT DALEK: "WORK!"

TEEN DALEK: "LIFE IS CRUEL AND MEANINGLESS!"

ADULT DALEK: "WORK, I SAY, WORK!"

TEEN DALEK: "NOBODY LOVES ME!"

ADULT DALEK: "WORK, OR YOU WILL BE EX-TER-MIN-ATED!"

TEEN DALEK: "WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!"

[alex-lebeau.livejournal.com]

Well, this friend of mine was one of a couple of gays and they tended to write Remy/Logan. But I have two that are G and Gmabit-centric, if you're interested.

Any Bobby + Gambit? I definitely slash them. Or Gambit + Courier. I'm just so sick of the Remy + Logan dynamic. It's like Romy; it's everywhere.

But I'll take those two fics! :D

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

Yes, Tolkien was a complete ass also. You know, sometimes I feel sort of weird knowing that while I adore fantasy, I loathe Tolkien, Lewis, Rowling... pretty much every author who leaps to mind when you mention fantasy. The fantasy authors I like that are really famous are usually ones that are generally considered to be on the fringes of the genre.

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

I'm usually more into Sci-fi than Fantasy; you get less idiots there and I just enjoy it more.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

I like sci-fi too, but I tend to find it a little dry. A lot of sf authors give me the impression that they're writing their characters from a psychology textbook as opposed to from personal experience with how people behave. =]

Mind you, there are exceptions, of course. I deeply adore the Gap cycle by... uhm... by an author whom I shall not mention in Jane's journal for fear of upsetting our fragile peace treaty on the subject... ^_^;;

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

I kind of like more techno thrillers and sci-fi; Tom-I-am-not-anal-I-am-just-VERY-detailed Clancy most of all. I'm also a fan of K.A. Applegate's Animorphs, Hiromu Arakawa's Fullmetal Alchemist (though I'm really more of a fan of the Anime than the Manga) and Yoshiki Takaya's Guyver series.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

HA! Defensive! What did I tell you? :P:P

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Speaking of Guyver, did you get the review?

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Yup and it ends like this:

ADULT DALEK: "I UNDERSTAND YOU ONLY TOO WELL."

TEEN DALEK: "I HATE YOU! DIEDIEDIE! EXTERMINATE ADULT DALEKS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

:-D

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes I did. :D :D :D Loved it; thanks lots! :D