Alright, don't like don't read

[flyingskull]

I know every sporker in every comm in every blog server in the netverse keeps on harping how it's a lame excuse, but this is MY playground and I can piss in it as much as I like so, if you don't want DH spoilers...



DADDY DEAREST

An epistulary dramalet.


epistle, n

1. A communication made to an absent person in writing; a letter. Chiefly (from its use in translations from L. and Gr.) applied to letters written in ancient times, esp. to those which rank as literary productions, or (after the analogy of 2) to those of a public character, or addressed to a body of persons. In application to ordinary (modern) letters now used only rhetorically or with playful or sarcastic implication. (O.E.D.)

Father,

take me out of this horrible place! I was hexed with what the uncouth Potter boy with the double-barrelled improbable name called the Bat Bogey hex. Apparently his mother taught him.

It's the most disgustingly vomit-worthy thing I have ever had the misfortune to see, let alone being hit with.

The reason? I was just passing by him in the hall. He informed me that I had no right to pass him by in the hall as I am a filthy Slytherin. Which is why he hexed me. Out of the blue. I hadn't even seen him there.

No-one did or said anything. He's the Chosen One's child and has a License to Hex. I will NOT stay in this place a moment longer. Take me out and tutor me privately or suffer the consequences of my running away, a lone, defenceless boy forced to merlin-knows-what to survive.

Love,

Scorpius.

*

Scorpius,

you are being melodramatic. Melodramatic is not elegant, or witty, or anything but pathetic.

That said, I know exactly how you feel. Pack your things and please forgive me for sending you to that Pit of Gryffindor Entitlement. I'll be there to take you home tomorrow at nine ack emma.

You shall have tutors galore and all the respect you've a right to.

With all my love,

Draco Malfoy

Finis






I really felt like writing this. So sue me. :P :P :P

Comments

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

My sister only liked it for Hermiony - or however her name's spelled - and her relationship with Harry. She pretty much agreed with me that Ron was a stupid asshole who needed to be bitchslapped with a 9-iron.

I don't think she's read either Pterry or DWJ, though.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Where are you? *is SO SO SO curious*

Hermione the Ruthless Ballbreaker is overreated. Harry is a sociopath. I know, I know, You would ADORE that. :P

Your sister is going to have a heart attack with DH if she's really in the Potter fandom, poor lass. How old is she?

Hermione, posh Shakespearian name. She's the one who ruthlessly did a magic memory charm on her parents so they now believe they are Australians with no children. Reminds you of anyone? Remaking personalities and all? :P

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

California, Redwood City area.

My sis? 35 and pretty obsessed with soaps, so you can see where she came from, yeah? Of course, she bailed after the 6th book since it "was written like bad fanfic" and it sank her 'ship.

Yes, but Alkanphel is awesome and better than her, so he wins. ;)

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

AAAH! I asked because of the hour and timezone, of course.

Thrityfive and still can't meta La Rowling? HBP sank her ship? A Harmonian? Poor you. :P

Alkanphel is PRETTEH and SPESHUL and all, but, all considered I prefer Agito, What can I say? I like bad boys.

If your sister is a Harmonian (Harry/Hermione) shipper though, Alòkanphel PWNS her no doubt.

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

Launching terrorist attacks against an orginization that rules the entire freaking world?

Has an army of genetically-enhanced supersoldiers ready to die at his command?

Planning to conquer the entire freaking world once he finishes defeating said rulers?

Stealing what amounts to the ultimate power upgrade from the guy who made it in the first place?

There's really no question that Agito "The Puppetmaster" Makishima kicks much ass. ;)

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, there are plenty of Daleks in the new series. And they are scary as hell.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Yeh. *sigh* I truly have a thing for the indomitable ones.

Is he that there in your icon? Because whoever it is, he looks lots hotter than any pretteh.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

YAY! DALEKS! I utterly adore DALEKS!

I think it was their voice. Nothing funnier ever enetered my childhood and I fell in love. What can I say? I'm unnatural.

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

Yes; yes it is. :)

I have a great many more pictures of him, if you'd like some. ;)

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

PURRRRR.

Yep, me likes, especially with long hair acuz me is obsessed with long-haired males.

Harder to find in RL here, but I persevere. :-D

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

9 goes pretty batshit on a Dalek he finds in some "American" guy's subterranian alien museum; and that's some pretty fine Crazy right there. Wait till you hear about the Time War, too; it's... well, bad might be an understatement.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Alright, alright, you've sold me. *sigh*

*goes and buys Doctor Who DVDs*

[aimakichan.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHA THAT WAS AWESOME. Poor Scorpius. ;_; First a crap name, now this.

[alex-lebeau.livejournal.com]

*snork*

I'm coming to the opinion that Rowling simply got fucking tired of writing these books after GOF. OoTP took forever, apparently (I didn't bother to read them until after it had come out, and even I knew that much), and HBP was clumsy as hell. I read it once. Never picked it up again. My brain simply refused to process it.

DH was worse. So much worse. Which is why I am going back to my Snape/Hermione fanfic, and ignoring it thusly, because fucking hell.

(And couldn't Draco had found a different constellation to name the kid after? Scorpius, I ask you....)

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your kind words! So glad it made you laugh.

Well, if we're talking crap names, Albus Severus wins by a mile. Poor Scorpius can't even make himslef write it down, :-D

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Oh I agree La Rowling got tired of writing HP, it's even possible she paid ghosts to write the last three booksm the style is so fucking different. Or she trolled the net and grabbed pieces of fanfiction here and there, or - and this is the most probable - she had no Gran Plan, she made it up as she got along and lost momentum and ideas after GOF.

I also think she never wanted to be a writer, exactly, she wanted a job with no fixed hours and no heavy lifting, so to speak, but had never the passion for writing other authors have.

Be that as it may, this is the last book, HALLELUJA! so we can keep reading good authors in peace. Fanfic was always better than canon in this instance.

Draco called the sprog Scorpius because he was born under the sign of the Scorpion, and he called the poor child Scorpius because, like La Rowling, he's pants at Latin. Should have been Scorpio.

BTW username love (I used to be a Gambit fan, before Marvel got confused, boring and stupid) and ICON LOVE!

Thank you for the comment, much appreciated.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

DRACO'S SODDING WAND!

Ye gods. Either no one has ever explained to JKR what a wand actually represents (though honestly, it's not like it's so hard to figure out...) or else she's now putting very inappropriate and quite childish jokes into a book for minors.

Can you tell how amused I am by this trainwreck?

I have to admit to a certain amount of morbid amusement myself... 0_0

I have tapes of TEH DOCTOR in the 60s! Peter Cushing!

Peter Cushing? Who was that? He's not on my list of people who's played the Doctor. ^_^;

I've watched a few of the older episodes myself. They're very good - better than the new series, in some ways. :) I adored Genesis of the Daleks - I can't believe how scary it was, with such simple special effects. That Davros guy... what the hell is wrong with him? ^_^;;;;

If there aren't Daleks, it ain't Doctor Who.

Agreed, though as ingriam has already pointed out, Daleks are plentiful also in the new series. =]

I have to admit that I like those things way too much. I grin like a loony every time they howl "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" in those whiny little voices of theirs. Heaven forgive me, they're actually sort of cute. ^_^;;;

I'm also learning to like the Master, though I understand that his current incarnation is kind of unlike his previous ones. He just seems to have so much fun being an evil genius and messing with everyone in sight. =]

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

I have to appreciate the way they first revealed that Dalek. New viewers such as myself might not know a Dalek when they see one, but even after just five episodes, we know that something that makes the Doctor panic must be in a class of its own as far as scariness goes. =]

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

I prefer Marvel, too; but I was always more into the cartoons and movies. I could never get into the comics.

Scorpio Malfoy would have actually sounded fairly cool; no wonder she didn't use it. *snicker*

Still looking forward to those verbose reviews; but enjoy Potterdammerung, it sounds vicariously - schadenfreude-ily - amusing.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Well, I was in a discussion just the other day where I was forced to concede that Paolini is actually superior to Rowling in some ways. If nothing else, he's consistent - his Gary Stu hero who's going to defeat the evil overlord is ridicolously overpowered and unstoppable, in other words exactly the kind of person you would logically send against evil overlords. Eragon is most certainly not going to vanquish Galbatorix through the power of love - he's going to vanquish Galbatorix through the power of power. Evil little sociopath of a man Eragon might be, but I'd send him against scary, evil people any day - though I would of course hope that he and them would kill each other. =]

Harry, on the other hand, is a stupid little shit who only wins through pure luck, and who then gets told that he's the most wonderful person ever.

... now I kind of want to write a story in which Harry and Eragon battle it out for the honour of being Supreme Overrated Gary Stu, and Eragon chops Harry to pieces.

Anyway, as for Hamilton, I remember another discussion where we eventually established that Rowling is a PG13 version of Hamilton.

But I refuse to yield Goodkind. No one can write worse than Goodkind. Things that live in swamps would not, if you taught them to write, write worse than Goodkind. This must be so. I cannot live in a world where it is actually possible to sink beneath Goodkind! ^_^;;;;

I'm quite sure they who say they like Pterry and go all batshit on Rowling have NOT read Pterry, they just say it not to look like the totally mentally impaired persons they are. Well, with a few exception, like you, Maya and me who read the Turd for the LULZ.

A tempting theory, but I'm afraid I don't buy it. I mean, Maya doesn't read HP just to mock it - she does mock it, and she's perfectly aware of all its flaws, but she still likes it and thinks Rowling is a good author. How? Why? It is beyond my comprehension. But apparently there is something there that makes her forgive all the rest.

She's not the only one, either. The same person who made me read The Handmaid's Tale just yesterday snapped at me for being a snob when it came to Harry Potter. How can you appreciate both of those at once? And while we're on the subject, if being a snob means appreciating good things and despising bad things, just what's so wrong with it?

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Apropos of nothing, did I mention that my hair reaches past my shoulders now?

...

Well, it does. ^_^;

[ingriam.livejournal.com]

If that's their definition of a snob, luv, I'd tell them that I'm damn proud to be one.

As to the fic: DOOOOOOOO EEEEEIITTTT!!

[alex-lebeau.livejournal.com]

I dunno; I think OoTP is right where she began teetering, because I can still enjoy that one, but HBP? Is like nails on a chalkboard. If she had any Grand Plan, it was definitely losing steam at that point.

Yes; the passion is what was missing in these last two. Not that I ever considered her a grand writer by any means, but the first four were at least enjoyable romps with very little substance, and no reason to complain if one took them at face value. If you expect more, then you hit problems, but as a silly story, it was fine. Then, fanfic takes on from there.

Heh. My username is from my fanfic, but yes; total Gambit love. I pretty much ignore everything after UXM 350, because WTF BASTICH. Though I still read X-Men off and on and stamp around screaming at his lack of balls, I just ignore canon after 350. It keeps me sane.

Icon is Atsushi Sakurai from Buck-Tick. J-Rock band. Such love.

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Agree with you on JKR.

I stopped before that, though I had to read Remy's Luke moment. I rather barfed, but it was amusing. WFT is an euphemism, right? The best part about Marvelverse is that one can chosse as canon whatever what one feels like choosing. 'S not the fen's fault that Marvel can't stick to a story to save their collective film-crazed life. ;)

I stopped after the Sun/Son arc and Gambit's own comic. They had the chance to kill my baby off TWICE in two incredibly lovely emotionally charged tragey arcs and they wussed off and for what? To make him the basterd son of Lestat on a bad hair day? To make him a pathetic little minion? UGH! GAH.

If you want, I have an incredible short written by a friend of mine - now, unfortunately not of this world anymore - about Gambit's last choice in the Sun/Son arc. I can send it to you, as I think, the site my friends' stories were on has been erased.

Oops

[flyingskull.livejournal.com]

Right pathetic spelling and typos.

*tragedy arcs

*send it to you as I think the site (why abuse that poor comma? Sloppy, Flyingskull, sloppy!)